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Artist :Bloodhound Gang
Album :Hooray For Boobies
Title :

A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is



I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In factthree hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Wellthat night I lost myself to ruby red lips
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.


Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


Wellfaster than you can say"shallow grave"
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said"Well that's a coincidence darlin'
‘cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiledhad about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
‘Courseit's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.


Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


SoBambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says"Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Wellten beerstwenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.


Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb"
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Wellmy heart just dropped.
SoI decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?


Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yesa lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

 



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